What I’ve Learned This Year

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It’s safe to say we’ve all been ushered into a learning season, possibly the biggest one of our lifetime.  I remember when this virus turned from a slight worry in the back of our minds to a world-wide pandemic in a matter of days.  Flights started getting canceled, school suddenly stopped for the rest of the semester, churches closed their doors to meetings.  Those beginning days when the world suddenly turned upside-down, I was traveling home for my grandmother’s funeral.  Giant road signs all through New York and Pennsylvania read, “Stay Home Save Lives” and “Flatten the Curve.”  I took pictures of those signs throughout my drive because I remember thinking, I’m witnessing history.  It’ll be something we remember for the rest of our lives.

We’ll remember the tragedy, the thousands and thousands of lives lost, the months we shut ourselves up in our homes, the loneliness, the countless video calls.  But I also think we have a chance to learn things in this season that we shouldn’t quickly forget.  So here’s what I’ve been learning as it relates to God, my relationship with Him, and ministry:

During the first week of attending services online, my church took communion.  They encouraged us to use whatever we had as the bread and the wine (mine was a salt and vinegar chip and a cup of kombucha).  When I was gathering the elements, I felt silly and like maybe it was a waste of time.  It didn’t feel like it could possibly hold the same value as if I took it in service with a congregation, with a little cup of grape juice and that tasteless wafer.  But I did it anyway.  When Pastor Mark prayed over the “bread” and “cup,” I suddenly felt overwhelmed.  I can honestly say I’ve never had a communion experience like it.  I’ve been taking communion my entire life, and for the first time I was completely overcome with emotion.  It was like Jesus Himself was standing right there in my studio apartment.  I had dinner cooking behind me, I was in my exercise clothes, and I was eating a potato chip, and I felt the presence of the Lord so tangibly.  Standing there with my computer in front of me, I began to sob.  Not from sadness or even joy but just from a real awareness of the presence of God. 

I’m realizing in this season that God’s presence isn’t limited to a time or a place.  Of course I’ve always said that and known it in my head and even in my heart, but I’m learning it in a brand new way these months.  I’ve never before been forced to experience it this way.  I wonder if this is what the apostles felt in the upper room that day; they had no prior understanding of how the Holy Spirit would move, so they didn’t limit their expectations.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful for church buildings and gatherings and can’t wait until we can meet together again in person, but I didn’t realize how much I needed this kind of time with the Holy Spirit.

It’s easy in the routine of ministry and church life to get used to a certain way of interacting with God.  I began to realize my worship was becoming stale.  I’d attend at least three different worship services a week, I’d lead and teach in many of them, and in the routine of it all, it lost a lot of its life.  God is using this time to deepen my personal worship life and my relationship between just Him and me.  And I’m realizing this is my job with students.

My job is to disciple students so they can have a deep, rich relationship with the Father so that when they leave college, when they move away, when church services aren’t available, when community isn’t around, when the world shuts down, when tragedy strikes they can still have intimacy with Jesus.  My job isn’t to be Jesus for them; my job isn’t to create a perfect environment so they can feel the Holy Spirit thanks to me and the staff; my job is to mentor in a way for them to experience Him on their own, no matter what the environment.

I tell you what, I’m going to remember that moment of communion my whole life.  I’m committed to it.  Because even after 29 years of following Jesus, He revealed Himself to me in a fresh way.  Just like this time in our world is historic, I believe our moments with the Lord during it can be historic.  Will we choose to be aware of His presence and remember what He speaks.


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