Misconceptions About Mentoring

Kevin came on staff at American University Chi Alpha in 2012 after graduating with a Bachelor's of Science in Business. He is the director of Chi Alpha International  and also disciples student leaders. In his free time he likes to cheer on his Minnesota Vikings and Minnesota Twins. He also has an impeccable bowling form. 

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We’re called to make disciples of all nations (Matthew 28:19). So mentoring, in a way, represents the epitome of our call as faithful Christians.

Jesus had three years to change the world and He decided to devote a good portion of His time investing in the twelve disciples.

So there is no doubt that the Son of God Himself considered discipleship as the most effective means of ministry and thus calls us all into it as well.

But outside of discipleship being an effective form of ministry, it is also very exciting. There is also something very appealing about being able to improve someone’s life, and also something very appealing about leaving a legacy!

However, mentoring can be very frustrating, and if one isn’t aware of the misconceptions they might have about it, they set themselves up for disappointment and discouragement. So here are several misconceptions I had of mentoring that you should be aware of:

Mentoring can happen without friendship
When we think about mentoring, we often think about two people grabbing coffee, talking about life and talking accountability. Or the other way we think about mentorship is sort of the old school style of apprenticeship, which is very specific to individual professions. Yes there is an element of discipleship that involves skill transfer, and there is an element of discipleship that involves conversational accountability. However, we frequently make that the extent of our discipleship. One look at the Jesus-style of ministry and we can see that Jesus lived life with his disciples. They broke bread together, they traveled together and they ministered together. The friendship element of discipleship cannot be lost, it is essential. We need to be willing and able to have less spiritual conversations, go to movies together, go shopping together etc. Without that we make discipleship a job instead of a relationship.

“Andy Stanley says that we are not responsible for filling someone’s cup, we are only responsible for emptying our own. Mentor and teach what you know, and trust the Lord to do the rest.”

Failures in mentoring are my fault
You will experience failures. There will be people you mentor who will keep falling into the same sin repeatedly. There will be some people you mentor who, no matter how much you poke and prod, never seem to open up. There will be others who simply flake on all your meetings. And my common response in all of this is that I must have done something wrong. Perhaps I’m not a good conversationalist, or maybe I’m not saying the right things.


Relationships are a two way street. We can put our best foot forward and we can be very intentional about wanting to speak life into somebody, but it is up to them whether they want to receive it or ignore it. If we were able to reject God and the grace He offers, how much more will others be able to reject our love for them?

I can’t mentor until I am ready
Here is the biggest misconception we have- that there is a point of readiness that we must attain before we can fully mentor somebody. Like after we cross whatever imaginary threshold, we’d be inundated with wisdom and righteousness. If we wait until we are ready we will never mentor anybody. Conversely we will never know all there is to know about mentoring either. So we need to approach mentoring with a humility to make mistakes and learn. Andy Stanley says that we are not responsible for filling someone’s cup, we are only responsible for emptying our own. Mentor and teach what you know, and trust the Lord to do the rest.

The Momentum Of Giving

Erin Weiss is a Sophomore at Georgetown University. Though she is passionate about environmental sustainability and energy efficiency, she is not your typical girl from Wyoming.

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Giving is an act that has incredible importance and incalculable benefits.

There are many reasons why giving either time or money is something that everyone should do. 

One of the foremost reasons to give is that the Bible, the ultimate road map to life, tells us to. The bible says, “He [the benevolent person] scatters abroad; He gives to the poor; His deeds of justice and goodness and kindness and benevolence will go on and endure forever” (2 Corinthians 9:9).

Also, Jesus gave us eternal life by sacrificing His life. Jesus, being the ultimate model of what humanity should be, gives us an example that we should follow. 

Even beyond the Biblical, giving is still imperative for many reasons. Giving either time or money starts a positive cycle leading to change that permeates a whole community.

Helping someone can lead to them serving others and this cycle creates a positive chain reaction, leading to an elevated standard of living. Giving back in ways large or small is almost as important as giving in the first place. It keeps the sequence going. 

“The people and organizations that donate time and money do not have unlimited resources. It is because of limited assets that it is the duty of the people receiving the gift to replenish what they have received. ”

The people and organizations that donate time and money do not have unlimited resources. It is because of limited assets that it is the duty of the people receiving the gift to replenish what they have received. Through returning much needed reserves it insures that others will continue to benefit. 

Giving back also shows appreciation for the actions that others have taken on your behalf. A good example of reciprocating can be seen when a student receives financial aid from a school, goes on to become successful, and then donates money back to the scholarship program. 

That previous example shows how money can be returned after an act of giving, but it is important to remember that giving time can be just as vital. Time is something hard for most people to give – time costs money.

But organizations still need people and volunteers to keep programs moving forward. So, returning to an organization to help others by volunteering is also extremely imperative. 

There is also more than one way to give back. Instead of returning the gift of time and money directly to the place from which you got it, you can move the kindness forward by giving to others. This way, the original effort that went into helping you does not end with you, but continues onward.

Even through helping just one person, whole communities can reap the benefits. Everyone has received a kindness in his or her lifetime; it could have been from either a place or a person. So it is everyone’s responsibility to consciously give back in as many ways as they can.

In...Amen

Stefa Chappell  is the Northeast Regional Director for Chi Alpha and also leads the Georgetown Med School Chi Alpha group. She recently completed her Master's degree, and when she's not taking care of her adorable dog Finn she's probably out for a run, or helping a friend shop for the perfect outfit.

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A dear friend of mine told me about a realization he had about God's presence. As he was spending time with God one day, his mind drifted to the beginning of the Bible.

"In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth" (Gen 1:1). My friend's thoughts then drifted the the very end of Holy Scripture: "The grace of the Lord Jesus be with God's people. Amen" (Rev 22:21).

My friend recognized that in the English language, the first and last words in Scripture are "in" and "amen." How appropriate, my friend thought. That's the whole point--the thread that weaves through the entirety of Scripture. God came to dwell in humankind. Amen.

“ I started to see how God remained steadfast and true, regardless of how well I felt I did in being the perfect Christian on any given day.”

This story gives insight to how my own devotional life has changed in over twenty five years of walking with Christ. My earliest years were thick with excitement as I experienced the newness of the Christian faith. God's power and reality were alive day by day, and every verse awakened me. I immersed myself in this new reality by spending countless hours reading the Word.

As I grew older in faith I embraced new ideas, some of them good. There were some things, though, that I ingested because they sounded credible coming from people I respected. One thing I picked up was the idea that God was a bit fickle in His presence.

There was a subtle belief in me that God was with me only when He was happy with me, and He was happy with me only when I was a really, really good Christian. Perhaps you are one of the really, really good Christians but I found myself to be less than really, really good.

I still got mad so easily. I was still an impatient driver. I still said things that hurt people. I was still tempted by pride, lust and greed.

And when I felt like I failed in any of those areas, there was something in me that believed I had to convince God to come back. I was not able, at that time, to see that God had not "left" me.

This errant understanding of God informed my prayer life in many ways. I spent far more time trying to pray for the things that would hopefully make God happy with me than I spent enjoying Him and then becoming like Him as I beheld Him.

Fast forward to years later in my walk with Christ. Somehow I started to see this thread in Scripture. I began to see that God promises that He will never leave us. I started to see how God remained steadfast and true, regardless of how well I felt I did in being the perfect Christian on any given day.

I became aware of the indwelling presence of God in my life--the gift that was offered through Christ.

It occurred to me one day that the sacrifice that God made for me (for us) was so massive that no small thing would cause Him to walk away. If it could, then God would be saying that even He did not think His sacrifice was that important.

God has come to dwell in His people. He lives in me--I don't have to convince Him to show up when I pray. I don't have to prove how good I have been so I can pray.

This was an earth shattering revelation for me (it actually did shake the earth at one point in Christian history). This reality changed the starting point of my prayer life.

Now, rather than trying to convince God to come be with me as I pray, I now pause and simply pay attention to His enduring presence. I "look" for God and listen to His voice, knowing that He is present.

It is in His beautiful presence where I am formed to become more like Him. In this Presence I can offer my requests to Him, and I can worship Him because I know He is there. Amen.

Prioritizing People Over Task: The Highs And Lows Of Relational Ministry

Blane has served on staff at Chi Alpha at American University for several years and became the Campus Director in the Fall of 2014. He and his wife Hannah currently have a six-month-old whom they affectionately call their "handful of joy". His name is Jeremiah and he's pretty much the cutest.

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I moved to Washington DC nearly four years ago and this is one of the first things I heard from people on the DC Chi Alpha Team.

“Prioritize relationship (people) over task.”

Then I heard it again, And again, And - well, you get the picture.

It means that we want to be a team of ministers that thinks about the person before we think about the work the person has done. Can I be honest? It’s a nice thought, with beautiful results but to live it out takes rigorous discipline. Like most things in life, it’s easier said than done!

Influenced by Robert Coleman in Master Plan of Evangelism, Mike Breen’s Creating a Disciple-Making Culture, Heather Zempel’s Community is Messy and Discipleship by Design by Harv Herman — we believe strongly that Jesus lived in such a way where people could belong, before they were asked to believe anything. And in many cases, received attention for their needs before Jesus told them of their spiritual need for him.

As a pragmatist and (recovering) perfectionist, putting this phrase into action has been difficult. What about deadlines? What about policies? Structure? We are going to have a worship service this week, but when is it going to get planned?

I had to (and am still having to) shift my perspective so that I see people, not just as either needy or helpful, but as people made in the image of God (see imageo deo). That, before they need anything or want to give anything, they are inherently valuable.

When someone interrupts me, I can see it as an obstacle to my agenda or as an opportunity to be Christ to them in that moment. I didn’t come up with that by the way, I can barely live that out on a good day!

“ But then, I remember that before Jesus asks us to do things for him, he calls us to himself. And even the “doings” he would have us do, are related to being with him or others who are like him.”

Being in vocational ministry, especially in a community like Chi Alpha where relationships are the main ingredient, can be draining. It can be tiring and it can feel like I never get to the end of my task list. But then, I remember that before Jesus asks us to do things for him, he calls us to himself. And even the “doings” he would have us do, are related to being with him or others who are like him.

It’s easy to make spiritual formation (church growth, ministry assimilation, etc.) a check-list. But Jesus didn’t die for us to have a job. He isn’t our employer. He is Lord, Savior and most scandalous of all, friend.

Yes, relational ministry, mentoring, counseling, life-sharing are difficult, but they lead us to look more like Christ and invite others to do the same. And if I am properly viewing Christ, no price is too big to pay to take that journey.

The Love Of "Chi Alphriends"

Suzie Nimoh is a rising sophomore at American University and some of her passions include smiling, loving people and early childhood education in the District. You can find this New Jersey native hanging out with her family and taking selfies in her free time.  

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The first year of college is inarguably a time of transformation. Being away from home and surrounded by strangers drives people to decide who they want to be, usually.

In my case I had no expectations of who I would be in college. While everyone was making friends who they lived with on their floor, I knew I wanted to make friends out of connection not convenience.

Of course, I didn’t have a plan for where I would find sustainable relationships. I had friends from my youth group at home, but they were not people I could grow spiritually with. Aside form being involved in a local church, I thought my journey with God would be entirely individual.

I ran into a couple students involved in Chi Alpha during the first couple weeks of school but I decided I would not get involved. I assumed I would not fit in, so I thought it was best to skip the awkwardness and stay away.

This didn't last long because, like true followers of Christ, they were persistent and their loving presence could not be ignored. Over the weeks my heart was softened to the group, which in hindsight has to be credited to the work of God through prayers of students in XA. I met some sweet girls who genuinely took an interest in me and invited me to their small group and I agreed to go that night.

From small groups to worship nights to just hanging out with others, XA has transformed my entire outlook on life. The word “community” was never significant to me, but now I understand it is how God intended me to live life.

“From small groups to worship nights to just hanging out with others, XA has transformed my entire outlook on life. The word “community” was never significant to me, but now I understand it is how God intended me to live life. ”

Paul describes in Scripture “for just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” (Romans 12:4-5).

Chi Alpha recognizes the importance of diversity and that every member is integral to forming the body of Christ. Every student comes from a different background, whether cultural or socioeconomic, and the inclusive community is open to not only open to students their freshman through senior years, but people who don’t even attend the university and are our neighbors in the surrounding communities.

Because of this I have been able to grow spiritual friendships: vertically and horizontally. I’ve learned tremendously from my small group leaders and have been able to look up to them. Making friends with seniors has allowed me to engage in other invaluable, vertical, discipleship relationships. I met my best friend through small group, and we both will be leading small groups next fall to contribute to the efforts that welcomed us our freshman year.

XA enabled me to understand friendship: what it truly means to love and be loved. Through the friendships I have made I have a better understanding of God’s love for me and how He has called us to love others. The mission of XA is to be Christ’s Ambassadors, and students involved in this ministry don’t take that lightly. Students in XA is dedicate themselves to loving unconditionally, whether it is a freshman they just met, or a student who is about to graduate, XA works to make sure they know they are loved. I am beyond grateful for everyone who has contributed to XA and I encourage others to be involved. Chi Alpha is the community where I found lifelong friends, the community where I was baptized, and most importantly the community that has taught me the love of our Savior. “How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!” (Psalm 133:1).